A2Youth.com - The Youth's Islamic Resource

Parenting: An Islamic Perspective

Abu Musa Alyas

category: Family Life

source: IslamicAwakening.com

reads: 13915

... continued from Page 1

If children are exhibiting bad characteristics such as arrogance, disobedience, showing off and aggression then it is imperative these traits are recognised and removed from a child before it's too late. Once a child is formed, these characteristics will become a core part of their character, and then it may be too late.

Children have been created pure and upon the fitrah, therefore they should not be exhibiting negative behavioural traits. Parents often speak of how a child has had certain negative characteristics since they were a child; however this is down to the parenting as opposed to any innate disposition towards certain behaviour that the child was born with.

These negative characteristics usually arise as a result of spoiling the children, or allowing others to do the same. Love needs to be shown to children in a beneficial manner, one that encourages love and appreciation. Spoiling children encourages arrogance and other negative traits such as anger and showing off.

When children require discipline it must be done consistently and fairly. It is unjust upon a child to allow them to do something one day and then to discipline them for the same thing another day. Parents must set clear and consistent boundaries.

Disciplining a child does not necessitate making life dull and without fun for the child. Parents and children can enjoy their interactions in ways which strengthen bonds, create love and most importantly harmony and a healthy understanding of boundaries and goals.

Adults

Many adults seem to have character issues, usually arrogance, insecurity and showing off. These traits seem to be prevalent in most people. If an analysis into the root cause of these issues was conducted, it would be found that in almost every instance these issues began in childhood and have become engrained into some aspect of the person's character.

Those small children who need the time and attention will at some point become adults. The job of every parent is to ensure that these children carry the light of this deen wherever they go as responsible muslims of this world.

As the Prophet (sallahu'alayhi wa sallam) said "whoever starts a good thing and is followed by others, will have his own reward and a reward equal to that of those who follow him, without it detracting from their reward in any way. Whoever starts a bad thing and is followed by others, will bear the burden of his own sin and a burden equal to that of those who follow him, without it detracting from their burden in any way." (Reported by at Tirmidhi who said it was a saheeh hasan hadeeth)

If children are roaming the streets and grow into people who commit crime or other bad deeds, then a parent should know that if they have not fulfilled their obligations in parenting then they may carry the burden of the bad actions of their children.

Baring the burden of personal actions will be more than enough on a day when all people will be confronted by their deeds, having to bare the burden of others deeds should be something every parent desperately wants to avoid. The gathering of bad deeds would be combined with the abject misery of failure as a parent, knowing that the child has turned out to be a spreader of corruption, rather than goodness.

Hence parents need to genuinely reflect on what they are offering their children; it is not merely the childhood that is in the hands of the parent, possibly the child's akhira which in turn could affect their own.

Parents in Old Age

The old age, "you reap what you sow" becomes ever more appropriate once the parents reach old age. Parents now after a long life rightfully expect the children to now take care of them and treat them with respect; this right is given to the parents by Allah:

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour." (Al-Isra, 23)

And again Allah states:

"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination." (Luqman, 14)

The thanks are given to Allah and then to the parents, this izzah given to the parents is something that only comes from the deen of Allah. Every parent should therefore know and understand that if their child is grateful to their Lord, the one who has Created them and Sustained them, then he will be grateful to them.

The parents will indeed reap what they sow, if they worked hard to bring this child close to their Lord, then they shall see the fruits of that work when they require it most.

Conclusion

Success and ultimate salvation only lies in following Allah's commands, in fearing Him alone and raising our children to the best of our ability to be leaders of this Ummah, to be of those who are indeed mindful and thankful towards the Most High.

All parents must reflect on the way, in which they are raising their children, the state of Muslim children is indeed indicative upon the parenting they are receiving. Much time and effort is required in this area, and we beseech The Most High for ease.

May Allah forgive us all, and enable us to be the kind of parents this deen demands of us.

"Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established." (Ibrahim, 41)

And Allah knows best.